Two Months Update

This has to go down as my biggest break from blogger since starting out last year. My last months in Boston were pretty hectic by my standards so blog was something that was not very high on my list of priorities. And it has been twenty days back in India & I am still to settle down to the sober surrounding and the not-so-sober Me. I am still to get used to wired internet & that all pervading overhang of that great smog over Noida. Life as such, is going real easy these days, or may be I have made it appear very easy, though there is always that undercurrent of anxiety, that loss of control, that elusive satisfaction, but I guess it doesn't matter right now for I will not scratch the surface harder to reveal the real Self. Yeah, went to Dehra Dun for diwali, also to Pune for a family ceremony, a pretty decent affair though, made decent money on stocks after a long time & the liquor parties seem to never end even though the circle of friends gets smaller every quarter. I guess I have started liking an uneventful life, even in Boston I had developed a liking for living alone, though initially I used to dread getting bored to death especially in foreign lands. This year long visit has kind of reshaped my outward perspective totally. I am becoming more & more individualistic & maybe a tinge of egoistic sprinkled in, to the extent that people seems to be hinting that I am arrogant now. But you know what, I don't really care. At the end of the day at work there is only one thing that matters - Was the work done or not ? All the rest of talk about 'your way' or 'my way' is crap that would be unbundled the next day. People have made a life out of giving advise which nobody really wants. People with three months in project commenting about people who have spent better part of three years here and not looking at their bag-full or maybe train-full of failures. I hate these phonies, I really do. But one thing is good, even with all these jokers around its fun working out here, all this argument and counter-argument just makes you really thick skinned, indifferent. The next time you just shrug them off, and maybe sometime later even the phonies would stop arguing, for even the God is scared of shameless.

Its been over a month since I deleted my Orkut account, and the fun part is the addiction seemed to have gone away pretty easily. maybe it wasn't an addiction, maybe Orkut become the evil & not so innocent victim of my holy pursuit to set all wrongs right within me, and as it was the easiest of the targets that I could have banished. but I don't regret it, its one addiction less. It was a great time killer, especially when you are bored & looking for easy & short fun, but it was far from real. Instead it was a giant unreal that covered the whole real, so that whatever you wrote & whatever you showed wasn't exactly from the top of you mind. It was many times written in ways that was meant to sound different from the actual reality. The picture album has the best of pictures, the smartest ones. The 'about me' is either a crisp paragraph of hackneyed lines or is some high flowing stuff that not anyway related to 'me' but some sterile dream. I am happy to shed of my other skin. These days for most of the questions I have only two answers, I don't know & I don't care. I wonder where I am going, am I getting into abyss where the walls have been built so high up in the sky that even when I look up, the sky seems dark. Maybe I should join the second life. Okay, I am joining second life.

Once this Orkut craze was over, I have now got into another addiction & this time it is on-line movies. but anyways not complaining yet. The reason being the project is in kind of unravelling state and so I have figured out that it's no use working hard or maybe I guess even working. The result is crystal clear, we ain't going to survive the next cutback the client proposes. So chill out & have a good time, for the show must go on. You know, whenever I say that line I recollect a poem that we had in our early school days which had the lines 'For men may come and men may go, But I go on for ever.'' Its funny for I recollect only one another poem, Robert Frost 'Woods Poem' & that too because every time I come from home in Dehra Dun, the thick dense jungle just reminds me of the last two lines, where the poet marvels at the dense forest & wishes for a path less travelled. Its strange how some memories are there in you mind embedded for ages & there are some I won't say memories, but reaction which are difficult to fathom. say for, whenever I hear Beatles's 'And I Love Her' I feel some strange melancholy but this sadness has no face & has no reason. Maybe I shouldn't hear that song.